Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Forget the Deep State Conspiracy, Donald. Investigate Why My Teeth Are Cracking!

I agree with Donald Trump. There is a deep state conspiracy in this country, but it is not the one he believes is undermining his administration. 

No, the conspiracy I see is so nefarious that only someone with my uncanny talent of perception has uncovered it. You have to be of a certain age, someone whose parents let them feast on cakes, cookies, candies and sugared soft drinks while young, the better to produce cavities in teeth that have now matured and are susceptible to cracking and needing crowns or implants. 

From personal experience I am convinced the American Dental Association and its members, having forged a bond in the 1950s and 1960s with the sugar industry to sabotage young mouths, is now locked in a comparable conspiracy with nut growers and their related products to chip away at older, more vulnerable, molars. 

Let me explain. My breakfast most mornings is cheese and fruit, along with almonds, walnuts and macadamia nuts. Sounds healthy and is healthy. But crunching down on nuts can be injurious to my filling-laden teeth. 

It is not only breakfast that is dangerous. The nut industry long has been advocating almonds and trail mix-type snacks as healthy alternatives to pastries and candy. 

It is a recipe for disaster encouraged, I am convinced, by a dental profession that fills fewer cavities because of fluoride protection, technically improved toothpastes, flossing, water-piking and electric toothbrushes. 

To maintain luxury lifestyles for its members the ADA has secretly funded the nut campaign. 

I haven’t had a cavity in decades, but I have cracked at least three molars. The crazy thing about each incident—I was not chewing a nut when my tooth made its break known to me. I was eating, respectively, scrambled eggs, bread and couscous. The most recent incident transpired last Saturday evening.

My dentist advised I probably cracked it on harder foods but the sliver of enamel had not separated from the mother lode. Each incident was a crack waiting to be exposed and repaired with a crown or more expensive implant. 

So, Donald, stop fulminating on the deep state conspiracy. Start an immediate investigation into the deep throat, er, deep tooth conspiracy that threatens all Americans, not just those who abuse the office and power of the presidency.