Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Food Edition: Meals, Drinks, IBD and Cookies

You are what you eat, we’ve been told time immemorial. If that’s true, we have lots to be sorry about for the regretful state of our health from overeating and overdrinking. 

Let’s start off with a whopper of a “hamburger” story, and I’m not referring to anything Burger King is trying to foist on consumers. Rather, the Arizona Cardinals football team has unveiled the Gridiron Challenge Burger as part of its new lineup of stadium food. 

I would get nauseated writing all the ingredients, so I’ll let you tease your appetite by listening to the makeup of this seven pound (yes, your read that correctly, seven pound) hamburger:

Perhaps breakfast is the meal you like to binge on. Well, then head off to Minnesota to take a bite into McDonald’s new McGriddles French Toast sandwich, being tested in Gopher State units:

Has all that heavy food made you thirsty? How about some free beer? Sounds too good to be true? Yer right, if you live in Cleveland. 

According to The Verge, “Bud Light has put together something special for the fans of the eternally suffering Cleveland Browns: Cleveland Browns Victory Fridges, a bunch of custom-made, internet-connected fridges that will only open when the Browns manage to snap their winless streak (currently at 17 games and counting)”

Sports and beer—natural companions. So, too, are politics and beer. But not everyone can disassociate one’s feelings for a beer and a specific politician.

After a co-founder of Samuel Adams Beer reportedly thanked Donald Trump for tax cuts, Somerville, Mass.,  Mayor Joseph Curtatone tweeted, “I will never drink Sam Adam’s beer again!”

Maybe those hardy meals upset your stomach. Maybe it triggered some IBD (inflammatory bowel disease). No problem. Just puff away on some marijuana, purely for medicinal relief, mind you, say scientists:

Ever wonder why scientists have yet to find the cure for all cancers? Must be because they’re too busy working on such humanity-saving research as to the exact way to snap dry spaghetti into two equal pieces (

Finally, let’s get the lawyers involved. Which creme-filled chocolate sandwich cookie do you prefer, an Oreo or a Hydrox? 

Until relatively recently, those who kept kosher couldn’t answer anything but Hydrox as Oreo’s ingredients included lard while Hyrdox used vegetable shortening. That changed 20 years ago when Oreo switched to vegetable shortening.

The taste battle has been joined by a battle for shelf space in supermarkets. In a complaint filed with the Federal Trade Commission, Hydrox is claiming Oreo is unfairly “hiding” its cookies on grocers’ shelves from consumers (

I’m officially neutral on this choice. At one time my breakfast consisted of four Oreo or Hydrox cookies dipped in milk. Both soothed my craving. Both, equally and unfortunately, coated my teeth in chocolate and contributed to my many youthful cavities.