Shaken, Not Stirred

I didn’t feel a thing.

Just minutes after I entered the theater in Greenburgh at 1:49 pm for the free Tuesday movie, an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale made its way up the Eastern Seaboard from Virginia passed Westchester on its way to Boston and beyond. No one in the theater twitched a muscle.

I didn’t know what hit me, or rather what I missed, until Ellie called a few minutes later. Then my sister-in-law Annette chimed in from Maryland to say they were all right. Then Dan called from Boston. Good thing I keep my phone on vibrate or I would have annoyed my fellow viewers, one of whom fell asleep and was snoring next to me (that’s what happens when the audience is mostly senior citizens and the movie, The Guard, has lots of heavy Irish accents).

I asked Ellie if the quake had damaged any of the exhibits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. To her knowledge it hadn’t.

Amid first reports that some thought the earthquake was another terrorist attack, I couldn’t help but wonder if people thought back to another pristine day 10 years ago...


Service With a Smile: Southwest Airlines has a reputation for cheeky, funny customer service. Among its hall of fame pranks is hiding a flight steward in an overhead luggage bin for an unsuspecting passenger to discover.

Clearview Cinemas is on a customer service campaign. Before every feature, one of the staff greets seated patrons, advising if any assistance is required one merely has to seek out an associate.

Today’s staffer clearly has a future in true customer service. With refreshing honesty he admonished all, tongue firmly stuck in his cheek, not to bring any problems to his attention because he just doesn’t care.


I’m walking around naked. Now, before you get disgusted, or excited, let me assure you I’m not ambulating sans clothing. My nakedness is restricted to my ring fingers which are sadly unadorned for the first time in more than 28 years as I had to take off my wedding bands (that’s plural) because of a skin affliction.

For the first 10 years of our marriage I didn’t wear a wedding ring as the one Gilda and I picked out from my aunt and uncle’s jewelry store was too tight. Since it has a gold braid around it, my Aunt Vicki cautioned trying to stretch it might snap the braid. During one of my trips to Los Angeles 10 years into our marriage, I decided it was worth the gamble. I handed the ring over to Uncle Harry and told him of Aunt Vicki’s fears. He scoffed at the suggestion, stepped away for a few minutes and returned with the ring I have worn continuously day and night, in the shower, in the pool, while asleep or playing sports, for the last 28 years. Thirteen years ago, to commemorate our 25th anniversary, I bought a silver ring at the Camden Town open air market in London.

My hands feels naked. They look naked. I sure hope this skin condition clears up soon.


Follow the Link: The other day I wrote how difficult it is to edit your own copy. It’s unsettling when a computer does it for you, and I’m not talking about spellcheck.

Sunday night a one line note I was sending to a friend included the following: “see the attached file.” Only thing is, I had inserted a link to a Web site instead of attaching a file, a matter of no import to me, but to my computer it was a major transgression. As soon as I hit the Send button, up popped a window admonishing me I had not included an attachment! Did I want to send the email anyway?

Zounds! We live in a truly extraordinary, scary and infuriating age when machines have the capacity to challenge your every move.

I sent the note as written. Another victory for man vs. machine.


Speaking of attachments, I call again on the NY Yankees to sever their link to A.J. Burnett. This past weekend displayed in microcosm the reality facing the boys from the Bronx. Against the Minnesota Twins, a struggling ball club this year, Phil Hughes pitched a two-hitter, Ivan Nova pitched seven shutout innings and Burnett imploded after less than two innings, being debited for giving up seven earned runs! What’s he going to do against a team that hits well?

Don’t read anything into manager Joe Girardi’s strong defense of Burnett’s inept pitching and rude behavior when taken out of the game Saturday. Girardi did what any good executive is supposed to do. Publicly he stood by his man. Privately he must be seething.

Once Freddy Garcia returns from the disabled list and the Yankees no longer need a sixth starter, the only common sense solution is to remove Burnett from the pitching rotation and even give him his walking papers. Yes, it will cost them money, but keeping Burnett could jeopardize their chances of making the post-season. Burnett is a cancer on the team, depleting the relief corps in games he pitches and subsequent contests, plus he puts more pressure on everyone in the field and at bat to be perfect to make up for his imperfections.


Zipping Along: If it happens once it happens several times each day, almost every time I proffer a credit card. The clerk or the machine asks for my ZIP code. It’s a low-tech security control, as if someone who stole my card wouldn’t be able to discover my ZIP code. Some might tell you it’s a marketing tool for the retailer, but the truth is once your card is swiped your address and a whole lot more become bytes in the merchant’s data base.

In California, the Supreme Court earlier this year ruled asking for a Zip code is a violation of state consumer privacy statutes. Retailers who persist in asking for Zip codes could face civil penalties of up to $1,000 per request.

The restriction, for now, applies only in California, but the Golden State often is a bellwether for the rest of the nation.

Playing Catch-up

Turns out my personal swimming instructor/friend Ken (aka Don Quixote and Sancho Panza) actually was a swimming instructor at a summer camp in his youth. Since he’s older than I, take it from me it was a loooong time ago. But we got through the first lesson without either us losing anything, Ken his cool, me my life. Weather permitting, we’re scheduled for another frolic in his pool on Friday.


Gee-Ka: That’s the way grandson Finley pronounces grandpa, so I guess Gee-Ka will be my nickname going forward. Finley had it much easier saying Gee-Gee for Grandma Gilda.

Finley & Co. (Allison and Dan) visited last weekend so his parents could attend their first game at the new Yankee Stadium on his mother’s birthday (Yanks won). Hard to find a better age to babysit than a 20-month-old who eats well, lays down to nap without fuss, laughs a lot, doesn’t poop too much, always startles you with new words he can vocalize, and pretty much understands everything you say to him. Even when I mistakenly shortened his nap time it afforded us one of the more pleasurable experiences of the weekend—cuddling in our bed with him for about 20 minutes.


Credit Rating Fake-out? The NY Times implied Wednesday it would be no big deal if the credit rating of the United States dipped from AAA to AA, or even lower. Noting that most corporations long ago abandoned the quest for triple-A ratings with hardly a misstep, the article suggested only national pride and a possible blow to consumer confidence would be at risk (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/03/business/aaa-rating-is-a-rarity-in-business.html?scp=2&sq=eric%20dash&st=cse).

So was this whole debt ceiling pas-de-deux debate (okay, a pas-de-trois, if you count the Tea Party) really a sham, just political posturing? Could be, except the deal struck is not good news for those in need of government support, people like the long-term unemployed.

What’s also exasperating in this whole scenario is the three major credit rating agencies—Fitch, Standard & Poors and Moody’s—are the very same organizations that green-lighted all those hazardous derivative bonds that contributed to the financial failures of the last few years, precipitating the recession which shuttered businesses, reduced employment and cut tax revenues causing our national debt to skyrocket. These rating agencies did not suffer. How ironic that today they pass judgment on U.S. credit worthiness.


Jewish Humor: We might not be exposed to it frequently, but Arabs have a keen sense of humor, I’ve heard. They’re even developing stand-up comedians, according to a recent NPR segment.

Strangely, some of the comedians choose to compare themselves to American comics. One calls himself the Jon Stewart of the Middle East. Another refers to himself as the Jerry Seinfeld of the Middle East.

How comforting to know the Arab world appreciates American humorists. But do they also realize these comedians are Jewish?


Burned by Burnett: The NY Yankees should end the charade of contemplating a six-man pitching rotation by dumping A.J. Burnett. Add him to the scrapheap of failed free agent pitcher signings. He’ll fit snugly alongside Kevin Brown, Kenny Rogers, Carl Pavano, Jaret Wright, Javier Vazquez, Ed Whitson, Hideki Irabu and Kei Igawa.

Time to concentrate on developing Ivan Nova and Phil Hughes and other prospects. After last night’s outing in Chicago against the light-hitting White Sox, when the Yanks scored 13 runs in the first four innings, only to see him give up seven before being relieved with one out in the fourth, Burnett continues to show he is unreliable.

Though his stuff (for those non baseball-literate readers, “stuff” is a term used to connote the quality of a pitcher’s pitches) can be electric, more often than not since becoming a Yankee he has shocked his team and its fan base with inconsistency and disappointment. He hasn’t won a game since June 29.

Better to admit Burnett can’t pitch for New York and work a deal to dispatch him to another team, even if the Yankees have to pay his bloated salary.

Number Two's Plus More Amazing Hacker-Gate News

During Saturday’s NY Yankees-Oakland Athletics game, a 4-3 loss, announcers Michael Kay and Paul O’Neill wondered aloud why Yanks manager Joe Girardi removed pitcher A.J. Burnett in the sixth inning after he had loaded the bases with two outs. After all, they bantered, Burnett is your number two pitcher. Why wouldn’t you let him work his way out of the trouble he himself created?

What Yankee team have they been watching this year (or last year, for that matter)? Burnett might be their second highest paid starter, but he has not shown he is their number two pitcher when on the mound. If the playoffs were to begin today, Burnett would be my fourth starter, behind C.C. Sabathia, Freddy Garcia and Bartolo Colon. (Burnett’s record and steadiness last year were so suspect he didn’t even pitch in the playoffs.)

This year Burnett is 8-8 with a 4.21 ERA.; Garcia is 8-7 with a 3.21 ERA; Colon 7-6 with a 3.29. Clearly the team has a better chance of winning when a pitcher gives up fewer runs per nine innings. I’d even pitch Ivan Nova over Burnett. Though currently in the minor leagues, Nova posted an 8-4 record and a 4.12 ERA before being sent down to accommodate Phil Hughes’ return from the disabled list.


More on Number 2: Yankee fans griped earlier this week on sports radio about Derek Jeter’s lack of pressure hitting. They demanded his demotion from the lead-off or number two spot in the batting order, citing his failure in the Tampa Bay series to repeatedly knock in runs in critical situations.

It’s true, Jeter is not the same clutch hitter of his youth. Compared to other lead-off hitters in baseball, he’s smack-dab in the middle when you look at batting average, runs batted in, runs scored and on-base percentage. Hardly any crazed Yankee fan can accept mediocrity.

But let’s not forget that baseball is a nine-man game. In two out of the last four contests, one run losses to Tampa Bay and Oakland, Jeter had three important late inning hits his teammates failed to convert into runs. Against the Rays he doubled into left center field but was stranded. Against the A’s he twice got into scoring position, first by doubling in the 7th inning and then by singling, stealing second and tagging up to third in the 9th. Jeter’s value has always been as a table setter. The Yankee captain, who wears #2 on his uniform, did his job, but baseball is a quirky game. The Yanks who scored 17 runs Friday night barely mustered 3 on Saturday afternoon. All too often, individual accomplishments are wasted by the inefficiency of your teammates. In today’s game, Jeter knocked in an important seventh run in the bottom of the eighth.

Bottom line: Over the long haul, Jeter remains a positive force high up in the batting order, whether first or second.

Bases Loaded: I finally heard an announcer give the record of a pitcher facing the bases loaded. In today’s Yanks-A’s game, Michael Kay noted batters hit .250 against Mariano Rivera in such situations, as the incomparable reliever tried to close out his 25th save of the season against the stubborn Athletics. Josh Willingham promptly singled to left to narrow the Yankee lead to 7-5. Mo and the Yanks escaped with a victory despite the next batter’s scalding line drive because it fortuitously went directly to Mark Teixeira who stepped on first to double-up Willingham for a game-ending double play. It was Rivera’s 15th consecutive year with at least 25 saves.


Hacker-Gate Update: It’s not baseball-related, but I couldn’t wait to post this. Last week I commented how Hacker-Gate had similarities to Watergate (http://nosocksneededanymore.blogspot.com/2011/07/murdoch-most-vile.html). Maybe I was stretching a little, but the comparison continues to be bizarrely appropriate.

Word came Friday about the firing of another Murdoch editor because of the hacking scandal. If you haven’t heard or read about it, you might not believe your eyes. His name—Matt Nixson!!! (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/jul/21/matt-nixson-news-of-the-world-the-sun)

Don’t you just love the way the British spell their names? Hacker-Gate's Andrew Coulson vs. Watergate's Chuck Colson. Matt Nixson vs. Richard Nixon. Is there a Deane waiting in the wings?

Heads Up; Throw Strikes; Weekdays with Maury

Heads Up: The National Football League, and all other football organizations, are rightfully concerned about the number of concussions sustained by players. Many come from helmet to helmet butts, almost all of which are intentional. The NFL tries to eliminate the head crashes by invoking a 15 yard penalty. But the practice persists.

My solution? For a first offense, a team flagged for a helmet to helmet tackle should be penalized 15 yards. AND, the offending player should be required to sit on the bench until the next change of possession. Furthermore, his name should be added to an ongoing list of transgressors. If he locks helmets with a player again, aside from the mandatory 15 yard penalty, he would receive an immediate suspension for that game and the following game. If he does it again when he returns to the field in two weeks, his suspension would involve four games.

One more proviso—if a helmet to helmet tackle injures an opponent, the offending player would sit out as long as the injured player cannot return to the field, be it that game or subsequent games.

Only through pressure from coaches and teammates will a player stop behaving badly. When a player realizes he is hurting his team’s chances, only then will he control his actions.


Throw Strikes: Baseball playoffs begin Wednesday. At stadiums across the land, in taverns and homes, you can be assured of hearing a common cry: “Throw Strikes!”

It’s one of the most frustrating plays in baseball—the unintentional walk.

How is it a professional pitcher cannot simply throw the ball over the plate. Let ‘em hit it. Statistically, more often than not the batter will make out, so why give a free pass? Make him earn his way on. The Minnesota Twins pitch to this philosophy; they are frequent championship contenders. Indeed, they are hosting the Yankees in the first game as the winners of the American League’s Central Division.

I’m as frustrated as the next fan when I see A.J. Burnett or some other Yankee walk someone. The frustration level rises geometrically when another unintentional walk follows. But as a former pitcher (fast pitch softball league), I’m here to tell you it’s not as easy as you may think.

“Throw strikes,” I’d hear Howard scream from the outfield. What did he think, I wasn’t trying?

Over 25 years on the mound I was pretty good at limiting walks. Occasional bouts of wildness did surface. More often than not, when the count was 3-0, and with a walk seemingly in the offing with the next pitch, under no pressure I’d fire in two quick strikes. The sixth pitch, however, usually wobbled in outside. Or high. Or bounced to the plate. Pressure would get to me. Of course, I wasn’t being paid millions to toss a ball over the plate. Major league pitchers are trained to rise above pressure, to simulate repetitive motions so they are subconsciously controlling their body to perform flawlessly.

The great pitchers can tune out the pressure, the noise of the stadium. For the rest of us (and I include myself in their number), not throwing strikes is as frustrating and bewildering as to those watching.


Weekdays with Maury: Growing up in Brooklyn, mine was a New York Post family. Not the Rupert Murdoch right-wing tabloid screed of today. No, we bought the Post of Dorothy Schiff, the liberal daily led by James Wechsler whose column about The Front Page propelled me toward a career in journalism. It was a NY Post of progressive thinkers, with columnists like Max Lerner, Murray Kempton and Mary McGrory.

Plus, it was a NY Post of outstanding sports writers—Milton Gross, Larry Merchant, Vic Ziegel, and Maury Allen. It was from these canny observers of the playing fields that I, along with countless others, ingested the lore of sports. We learned to appreciate the stories behind the numbers, behind the statistics of each game.

Maury Allen died Sunday. He was 78. He wrote for the Post from 1961 to 1988. I stopped reading the Post after Murdoch bought it in 1976 and changed its bent. But I still managed to get a serving now and then of Maury Allen. He was a contributor to the Journal News, the Westchester, Putnam and Rockland Counties newspaper.