Wheels of Misfortune, Real-Time Homeland, Hipsters, MOM's to the Rescue

The wheel is a marvelous invention, surely one of the main reasons civilization has advanced from the cave. But a wheeled snow shovel? As far as I am concerned, I might as well still be a Neanderthal.

I had so been looking forward to a slight snowfall to test-drive my new wheeled snow shovel. I was disappointed to hear rain tapping against our bathroom skylight when I woke up in the middle of the night. But when the alarm went off this morning I was rewarded with a light, white covering on the driveway and walkway. Even before eating breakfast I eagerly unhinged my new toy from the hook it was hanging from in the garage. 

A total disaster. I won’t bore you with details of either my ineptitude or the poor design of the shovel. The only consolation is the friendly customer service rep said she would send a mailing label so I wouldn’t be charged for return freight and I didn’t even need the original invoice which came with the shovel. Good thing, because I can’t find it. 

I’m really bummed. The shovel had looked so easy to use in the promotional video I watched on line. Ah, well ...

Homeland Update: Ever wonder what a real life Carrie Anderson, the CIA agent/analyst trying to uncover a turncoat American serviceman, would look like? She’d more likely resemble a grandmother than the fetching Claire Danes of the Showtime program Homeland, if one goes by the picture of the woman who spearheaded the effort to find a mole inside the CIA, the notorious Aldrich Ames. 

Jeanne Vertefeuille died December 29. She was 80. For those who missed her obituary in Sunday’s NY Times, here’s a link. It’s a fascinating story of dedication, reminding us that truth is often more engrossing than fiction (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/us/jeanne-vertefeuille-who-helped-catch-aldrich-ames-dies-at-80.html?_r=0).

Connected at the Hip: During a profile aired on CBS Sunday Morning a few days ago, Scarlett Johansson was asked if she feels any older, now that she’s been married and divorced. “No,” responded the 28-year-old actress. “I feel wiser, maybe. I only feel older in my right hip. But I’m attributing that to Marvel" (for whom she plays the Black Widow in the Avengers comic book-inspired film series).

The morning I turned 35, I woke up with a pain of unknown origin in my right hip. It went away pretty quickly, but I always wondered why my body sent out a ping of rebellion, considering I do not angst over birthdays. Seven weeks from today I’ll celebrate another birthday, the one immortalized by the Beatles (64, for those who have no idea what I’m talking about).

MOM’s to the Rescue: Advertising works. I made a nice living on that premise. But not all advertising is appropriate, especially when targeted to influence those who cannot always discern the hidden messages being sent their way. 

Accordingly, MOM’s Organic Market, a Washington-Baltimore based regional grocer, is taking off its shelves all packaging that features cartoon characters from children’s books, films and television, even those from educational TV like Elmo and Dora the Explorer.

The 10-store family owned retailer can hardly hope to influence the national market, especially when adults have to be willing and knowledgeable participants. Last month I bought Finley a drinking cup with a race car floating in its base. I thought it was cute and would make meal-time fun. Little did I realize the car was a licensed product of the movie Cars; the suspended auto was the star, Lightning McQueen. Even though 3-year-old Finley had not seen the movie, he knew the character. 

In my defense, I’m a grandparent. Aren’t we supposed to spoil our grandkids? Still, I agree with Susan Linn, Director of the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, who said, "Using beloved media characters to sell kids on a particular brand of food is wrong, even if it's healthy food. Children should not be trained to pick foods based on the cartoon on the box” (or, I might add, the car in the cup). 

Homeland and Other Worries

So here's my problem with Showtime’s Homeland, now that Gilda and I are watching the DVD of the first season. The suspected Al Qaeda plot the CIA and FBI are investigating—a sniper attack against the president as he leaves or boards his Marine One helicopter at Reagan National Airport—is based on erroneous fact. Air Force One, the only plane the president flies in, does not use Reagan. It flies in and out of Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland, nowhere near the Virginia house Abu Nasir's terrorist cell bought and planned to use in their assassination attempt because its roof has a direct view of the helicopter landing pad at Reagan. 

There are no doubt other points we could dissect but this one is troubling. You'd think the CIA and FBI would know the president doesn't use Reagan National Airport. Maybe the dilemma is cleared up in the last two episodes of season one which we hope to view this weekend. I hope so, because otherwise I really like this show and can’t wait for the second season DVD to become available.

Fox Hunting: Homeland's plot arc has a former prisoner of war suspected by a CIA agent of being a sleeper terrorist turned by Al Qaeda during his eight years of captivity. Marine Sergeant Nicholas Brady is elected to Congress, where he can wreak havoc from within the political system. My niece in England sent me a link to an article in the Guardian about Rupert Murdoch’s failed attempt to co-opt the American presidential race from within. 

It's by Carl Bernstein who has experience in these matters (for those too young to know, he’s the Bernstein of Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate reporting fame). Here are two links, the first to Bernstein’s article (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/dec/20/bernstein-murdoch-ailes-petreaus-presidency), the second to the actual voice tape of the conversation between General Petraeus and K.T. McFarland of Fox News referred to by Bernstein that was obtained by Bob Woodward. Keep in mind this conversation happened a year before Petraeus’ downfall from his alleged affair

(http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/petraeus-in-2011-fox-news-interview-im-not-running-for-president/2012/12/03/c0aa0c72-3d6d-11e2-a2d9-822f58ac9fd5_video.html). 

Signature Moment: Ordinary Americans always strive to identify with their politicians. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Whatever. My point is, the brouhaha over Treasury Secretary nominee Jacob J. Lew’s signature—a series of connected loops looking much like a Slinky on its side—has me identifying directly with the man whose scrawl would appear on all paper currency should he be confirmed by the Senate.

I for one can’t find fault with his illegible writing. Mine is what I call my executive signature, stroked so quickly that only, and just barely at that, can you make out the “M” of my first name. Sometimes when I sign legal documents I slow down, but that causes a problem, as when I go to the bank to gain access to our safety deposit box. I can never remember which signature I am supposed to match. 

My poor penmanship must be in my genes, for Dan as well has a signature where only the “D” is legible. I used to think Ellie’s signature was decipherable, but since she got married and changed her middle and last names, she too has channeled me, and I know what she’s supposed to be writing. 

Blame, or Praise, Me: If you're wondering why there hasn't been any snow this month, I have an explanation. In my quest for the perfect snow shovel I recently bought a wheeled shovel, good for up to six inches of flakes. I eagerly awaited the next snowfall to test out my purchase. 

Naturally the power(s) to be have thwarted my ability to test drive this model by spritzing rain on us versus snow. I hope you all appreciate this gift I have given you, unless, of course, you like shoveling snow and skidding along on snow-covered streets.

Recalls From Hell: Here are headlines over press releases you really don’t want to have to issue if you run a company:

“Columbia Sportswear Reannounces Its Recall of Batteries Sold With Jackets Due To Fire Hazard”

“High-Pressure Scuba Diving Air Hoses Recalled by A-Plus Marine Due to Drowning Hazard”

Marketing's Future

There’s been a lot of media coverage recently on the state of marketing, especially in the digital world. Given all the data we mostly volunteer to turn over to marketers and advertisers, plus the data we are unaware are being collected about us, it’s not hard to accept the idea that commercial messages are being aimed at us in finer, more pinpointed detail. Thus, parents of newborns are inundated with coupons and promotions for baby food, toys, diapers and all the assorted paraphernalia that turn a once orderly home into a zone seemingly ravaged by a tornado.

It’s easy to comprehend how we are being singled out for email messages and direct mail campaigns. The NY Times recently ran an article focusing on how Target Stores mines data to relay come-ons to customers (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/magazine/shopping-habits.html?_r=1&ref=targetcorporation).

But so far, at least to my knowledge, our ability to fend off person-specific advertisements on our television screens has not been challenged. I believe in the next five to ten years, however, our defenses will be breached. Here’s how it will work:

Televisions increasingly are becoming inter-active. There have been test markets where viewers can order clothing and other items they see on TV shows, and I’m not talking about HSN or QVC. I mean, if you see a dress you like worn by Julianna Margulies on The Good Wife, you can click a few buttons on your TV remote and order it from, say, Nordstrom.

The next step in the marketers’ assault on “free” TV will demand we watch commercials. It will begin with the blockbuster shows, like Sunday’s upcoming Oscars telecast, and the Super Bowl, the Grammy Awards, the Tony Awards, the World Series. Each time there is a commercial break, you will have a choice of three ads to view. You choose your poison. Choose you must, or the show will not proceed, on your TV. It will be on permanent pause until you watch a commercial of your choice.

This competition for eyeballs will force marketers to upgrade the quality of their ads. Madison Avenue does not want you clicking on someone else’s creative. Moreover, it can be assumed that most of those who view an ad would be interested in the product or service featured, unlike today’s format that cannot guarantee anyone is. Commercials often are the time people retreat into the kitchen for a snack or go to the bathroom. They’ll still be able to do so, but when they return to couch-potato status they’ll have to engage a commercial to forward the action on the TV screen.

Networks will charge fees based on the number of impressions each commercial generates.

Please don’t say this idea is too technically advanced to occur. If you’ve been alive for any of the last 50 years you should not doubt the ability of computer wizards to map out this format and deliver it to your doorstep, er, I mean the cable-ready TV in your den. Once we get acclimated to this concept when watching the big shows, it’s a mere hop, skip and jump to everyday fare, except on premium stations like HBO and Showtime.

Oh, one more thing. Don’t think you’ll beat the system by taping shows for later viewing on your DVR. Those same computer wizards will figure out a way to prevent you from zipping through commercials.

Bottom line: Enjoy TV as we know it now for it will be forever changed by 2022.