Coronavirus: A Stress Test for Relationships

Prompting the closing of schools, places of work and worship plus venues of entertainment, the novel coronavirus is thrusting partners and families together for extended periods they heretofore did not necessarily endure other than on vacation. To put it succinctly, 24/7 living together has the potential to stress relationships. Or, as my mother said after my father retired, “I married him for breakfast and dinner, not for lunch.”

Some may know my parents worked together for more than three decades, he in the production factory, she in the small glassed enclosed office in the corner of their rented loft on lower Broadway. Mom retired about a decade before Dad. She had gotten used to daytimes without intrusion when she uttered her Garbo-esque “I want to be alone” line.

I can appreciate her position. I retired 10 years before Gilda did 14 months ago. My golden years have been enhanced, but they are different. 

Forced togetherness for couples and families without the luxury of going to movies, plays, concerts, sporting events, museums, even some restaurants and small gatherings with relatives or friends, can strain even the most equanimous of relationships. The uncertainty of not knowing how long togetherness must last is a hidden cost of COVID-19.

Next week’s poker game among my senior citizen friends has been called off. Not as all encompassing as what residents in one Florida retirement complex have to endure: “It is in the best interests of the community to close the social hall, card rooms, aerobics room, arts and crafts, and billiards room as well as the demo kitchen in the clubhouse for 30 days. No HOA (Home Owners Association) or Club events will be permitted,” a notice reads. “… Going forward Bingo, women’s canasta, open canasta, men’s canasta and the March 21 show,  Cove Players, March 30 Board meeting, etc. are all cancelled.” 

Penalty Stroke: Maybe it is because I am bearded, but I have a problem keeping my hands off my face. I am constantly stroking my beard. No amount of coaxing by health authorities advising against it as a precaution against the virus can counterman a habit born half a century ago.

Ah, well, perhaps I’m a little like Trump who repeatedly ignores healthcare advice. He seems to be blasé, even dismissive about professional protocols. A disciple of the Reverend Norman Vincent Peale’s Power of Positive Thinking doctrine, Trump must conduct his life on the theory he is immune to everyday man’s concerns. Exhibit A—his fast food diet, which apart from the girth it has packed onto his body, apparently has not clogged his arteries (or so we must believe absent details on his physical examinations). 

The public has been told not to shake hands. Yet there Trump was during his Friday press conference announcing his declaration of a national emergency to confront COVID-19 pressing the flesh of CVS, Walgreens, Walmart and other executives. You would think leaders of the two largest drug store chains would know better than to shake hands. Most of the assembled team of business and medical leaders did not shake hands (at least in public) with Trump. Only Bruce Greenstein, executive vice president and chief strategy and innovation officer of LHC Group elbow bumped with The Donald. He did it right after the CVS handshake.

Let’s not gloss over Trump’s prior disregard for acceptable hygiene. Despite widespread warnings not to look directly at an August 2017 solar eclipse unless wearing protective eyewear, Trump stared at it with the naked eye even as Melania and Barron wore protective glasses next to him.

And let’s recall porn star Stormy Daniels claims Trump did not wear a condom during their alleged tryst.

Trump’s macho personality and belief in his invulnerability was on display in his initial disdain for taking a test to determine if he contracted COVID-19 after close contact with a Brazilian official last Saturday. Only after repeated questioning during the press conference did he say he likely would be tested at an unknown time when his schedule permits, though the White House physician subsequently said testing was not necessary for him. The test—a swab of the inner cheek—takes seconds to perform. 

Jekyl and Hyde: Trump’s appearances are Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde in nature. He is the latter when reading prepared texts, the former when speaking extemporaneously as evidenced by his dual display during Friday’s Rose Garden statement and press conference.

Answering questions he appeared assured. But as he did Wednesday night during his prime time address to the nation, he seemed boxed in by diction and an inability to comfortably read out loud when making his official pronouncement of national emergency powers. Self proclaimed as a genius with an extraordinary vocabulary, Trump has difficulty reading a speechwriter’s words. 

Motivate Me

Catching up on some reading recently, I came across a story from the October 2 NY Times Magazine section entitled, “The Motivational Speaker Smackdown” (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/02/magazine/you-are-here-the-motivational-speaker-smackdown.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=jock%20elliott&st=cse). It described the annual competition of paid public speakers, the genre of orators who kick off sales meetings, conferences and conventions, the type of inspirational force Herman Cain fashioned himself to be after he retired as CEO of Godfather’s Pizza and dedicated his livelihood to the trade show and banquet circuit, before he inspired himself to believe he was qualified to be president of the United States.

During the course of my 30-plus year business publishing career, I must have listened to more than 150 motivational speakers. Terry Bradshaw gave one of his first public speeches at one of my publication’s conferences, a talk he mostly reprised when he was inducted into the football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. During the first keynote speech I heard back in 1977, I learned from Ken Blanchard how to be a One Minute Manager. I listened as Jim Hayhurst, a member of the 1988 Canadian Mt. Everest climbing expedition, explained success comes from teamwork, from trusting in the competence of others, that you can’t do everything yourself. He related those truths as he told of the moment during the climb when his twentysomething son lost his footing and got wedged on an outcropping over a sheer drop of several thousand feet. Hayhurst wanted to be the one to toss him a lifeline, but he realized someone else had a better chance of success, for one inadvertent move by his son reaching for the rope could mean he would lose his balance and fall to his death. His trust was rewarded. Ultimately, the expedition failed to reach the peak, but they all came back alive.

Most motivational keynote speeches leave you with a warm feeling. Often emotionally charged, with lots of humor thrown in, they try to instill life-lessons during their hour-long time slot. One common, central theme is the individual can control his or her environment, both at work and at home. Presentations often draw on the personal experiences of the presenter, whether it was overcoming some tragedy or illness or accomplishing a heroic or athletic feat. Rarely do they translate into identifiable business experiences for the retail industry audience hearing them.

With the notable exception of when Randy Lewis spoke. He delivered such a powerful message in his first appearance at one of our conferences that I brought him back to speak to a different group of corporate leaders eight months later. Currently senior vice president of supply chain management for Walgreens, Lewis was senior vice president of the drug chain’s distribution and logistics division when I engaged him to speak at a supply chain summit in Oakland.

A Peace Corps veteran who worked his way through graduate school as an Arthur Murray dance instructor, Lewis related the unexpected rewards of staffing Walgreens’ distribution centers with handicapped workers. Now, most people when told about handicapped workers think of men and women who perform menial, repetitive tasks, such as sweeping floors or pushing mail carts. Lewis turned that paradigm on its head. He hired workers with severe cognitive disabilities to do the same jobs as non-handicapped staffers. He paid them the same wages. He used technology to simplify processes within the distribution centers, a decision that helped all workers perform at a higher level. In fact, the performance of many handicapped workers at Walgreens facilities exceeds expected norms.

Lewis’ dedication to hiring equality was fostered by his own son’s handicap. Not content to just find a place to warehouse his son during the work day, Lewis created an environment he willingly shares with other companies. When he finished his presentation, he truly had earned his standing ovation.


My Link to the Super Bowl Champs: Though an avid NY Giants fan, I don’t go overboard (at least in my estimation, not shared by Gilda). But in the wake of their Super Bowl triumph, I found myself reading articles about their road to victory I would not ordinarily spend time perusing. One blog I read late Saturday night traced their resurrection, from a 7-7 team to league champs, to their exposure to Afterburner Inc., a “management consulting firm founded by a former US Air Force Pilot (that) visited the NY Giants and gave them a seminar on process improvement” (http://www.ultimatenyg.com/2012-articles/february/from-7-7-to-super-bowl-champs-behind-the-ny-giants-turnaround.html).

It might sound a little suspect, one of those touchy-feely, feel-good seminars, but I can tell you from first-hand experience Afterburner is a dynamic program that stresses open and complete communication underpinned by zero tolerance for mistakes. Following the Afterburner seminar, the Giants’ defense, which had often looked helpless and disoriented during a four game mid-season losing streak, solidified. The return of injured players surely helped, but the principles of flawless execution espoused by Afterburner contributed as well. On its Web site Afterburner is promoting its link to the Giants’ success story (http://www.afterburnerseminars.com/home).

I approved Afterburner in 2005 to be the featured presenter at a conference produced by my magazine for some 80 retail industry senior executives. It was one of the most well-received conferences we ran. It’s rewarding to see the Giants came away with equally impressive results.