Softball, Stop Signs and Blunts

Chilly start to the softball season this morning. Grey day, with a stiff breeze. More of a wind, I’d say, that kept temperatures in the 50’s. Surely not a day to unveil my standard pitching attire of shorts and high sweat socks, though I did have them on beneath my baseball pants. Started to spritz around the 4th inning, not enough to even consider being a nuisance or a reason to call the game. 

Legged out an infield hit. In my prime I might have outrun another infield chopper, but those are days I can only talk about, barely remember. Didn’t strike out anyone; only walked one batter. All in all, not a bad day on the mound, especially since I returned home without injury. Slathering up with he-man doses of Mineral Ice on my lower back, Achilles tendons and knees before heading off to the ball field surely helped. 

The team’s a work in progress. They gave maximum effort. Now all we need to work on is some fundamentals and skill improvement. We hit decently, even socked a home run. But we ran ourselves out of two rallies. It’s a good thing I’ve been in this rebuilding situation before. Much easier to take a 23-3 shellacking when you’re just out to have a good time, and not get hurt.

Dmitri Krioukov, a Russian researcher and Web data analysis professor in California, has become an Internet darling for posting a paper on how to beat a traffic ticket like the one he received for allegedly rolling through a stop sign (http://www.ksl.com/?sid=20035542&nid=1012).

Big deal. I managed the same feat more than 33 years ago, way before the Internet was widely known. Even more difficult was winning over my wife’s participation in my ultimate defense. As I wrote in January 2010, a policeman in the hamlet of Pine Bush, NY, outside Middletown, claimed I rolled through a stop sign, which Gilda and I denied to no avail. To fight the ticket we had to return six weeks later for night court. Gilda was a willing witness for the defense, but quickly changed her mind when she discovered I had miscalculated the court date. We showed up a day early. She was in no mood to leave work early the next day and trek 60 miles up north to testify in my behalf. I reeeeally had to do some major groveling to get Gilda to go back to Pine Bush with me the next night.

Even so, her demeanor was not friendly. She had the comportment of a hostile witness, but she was all I had. Without her it would be my word against the cop’s. Even though I extracted from him an admission that he was stationed 300 yards, three football fields!, away from the stop sign I allegedly “rolled through,” it was still just the two of us squaring off, and in most jurisdictions that’s bad news for a defendant. 

After Gilda testified, the judge asked if the policeman had a witness. He did. It was the chief of police, who was riding with him that night. OK, where was he?, the judge asked. On patrol, came the reply, followed swiftly by good, old-fashioned country justice—two against one, case dismissed. 

Take that, Dmitri!

Last Wednesday, Thomas L. Friedman devoted his column in the NY Times to a call for Michael Bloomberg to mount an independent run for president, not because he would win, but rather because it would influence Democrats and Republicans to soften their rigid stances and meld their positions into more centrist ones that would benefit the country. “By taking part in the televised debates,” Friedman wrote, “he could impose a dose of reality on the election that would otherwise be missing. Congress would have to take note” (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/18/opinion/friedman-one-for-the-country.html).

Let me be blunt about this: Friedman must have been smoking something (maybe a blunt) when he wrote that. How anyone could think the GOP and its Tea Party wing will soften their radical platform clearly has not been paying attention to politics over the last three years. To expect them to change should they win the White House or both houses of Congress is delusional. One of the main criticisms of Barack Obama by his supporters has been his misguided belief he could work with the Republicans, that he failed to make use of the majorities he helped sweep into office in 2008, that he capitulated time and again to conservative demands. 

No, Mr. Friedman, a third party candidacy from a progressive thinker like Bloomberg would only hurt Obama by siphoning off votes from Independents and some Democrats. It could be argued that Ralph Nader’s Quixotic runs for the presidency gave us two terms of George W. Bush. I’m sure Michael Bloomberg has an ego at least as large as Nader’s, but I’m also of the opinion the mayor of New York City is not so enamored of himself that he would purposely tip an election to Republicans who reject almost all of his social and economic beliefs. 

The Sense of Retailing

During my high school freshman year, our general science teacher conducted an experiment to demonstrate the link of the sense of smell to the sense of taste. He blindfolded several students and attached clips to their noses before giving them a deep orange-red liquid to drink. Not one of them could identify the mixture as tomato juice. At the same time, another group of blindfolded students without clips on their noses uniformly recognized the fluid as tomato juice.

(By the way, two other life-lessons from that general science class: To reduce the risk of botulism, never buy a dented can of any food product as even a microscopic hole can let air inside the vacuum seal; to avoid ringworm, make sure your haircutter/stylist uses a new comb straight from a sealed wrapper or one soaked in that omnipresent Barbicide blue solution.)

Getting back to your nose, no doubt you’ve experienced the displeasure of barely tasting a good meal when your nose was stuffed. And we’ve all, for sure, been seduced by the aroma of freshly baked bread, or steaming coffee, or, for those with a sweet tooth, the enticingly sinful scent of Cinnabons wafting through a mall or food court.

Whether it be aromatherapy for a more balanced and harmonious life, or fragrances sprayed throughout stores as part of their atmospherics, like lighting and music to stimulate you to spend more time inside their walls and hopefully spend money, our sense of smell is the target of savvy marketers.

Now that I’ve got you thinking about scents, imagine how you’d react to a second-hand store. You’d probably think in terms of dank, musty odors. Maybe even a little bit of death-warmed-over.

Your olfactory thoughts wouldn’t be too far off; many second-hand store operators think so, as well. That’s behind a decision by Goodwill Industries to incorporate fragrance technology into 44 stores in southeastern Wisconsin and metropolitan Chicago. “Scent is a big part of the store environment and the overall shopping experience, but creating a pleasant scent experience in thrift stores can be a bit more challenging than the norm,” Billie Torrentt, VP stores at Goodwill, said in a story posted on the Chain Store Age Website.

Hints of sweet orange and honeysuckle blended into a signature scent will romance shoppers while they browse the clothing and home goods seeking a second, or greater, chance at utility.


Express Lines: Standing sixth in line at Costco recently with just three items, I thought to myself what the person behind me voiced. “Why doesn’t Costco have an express line for customers with just a handful of products to buy?”

Though I surely sympathized and empathized with her, I couldn’t resist imparting a bit of retailing lore garnered over 30 years. In truth, stores should be catering to those with carts chock full of merchandise rather than those who buy one, two or three items. Those customers are commonly called “cherry-pickers” for their tendency to buy just items on sale while purchasing the bulk of their goods at other stores.

Of course, Costco members pay for the privilege of shopping at the clubs, so they can’t really be called cherry-pickers. But the concept is the same: ‘Tis better to treat your high volume customers royally so your coffers will swell.

Sadly, too many grocers and discount stores put more emphasis on customers with few items than on those with full shopping carts. Sadly, unless you’re among those who have but a few items to buy.


The World Is Changing: Here’s another sign the retailing world, nay, society overall, is changing—Dollar General, a chain that previously targeted few households with incomes beyond the working poor, next month will begin selling merchandise over the Internet.

A company with more than 9,500 stores in 35 states, Dollar General says households making $70,000 or more are its fastest-growing customer segment, according to Internet Retailer.

The action conveys several points about societal changes: Internet access and purchasing have become mainstream, across all income levels. In addition, the stigma of shopping in a Dollar General store is rapidly disappearing for upper middle class families, a trend bound to accelerate given the anonymity of Internet buying from the privacy of your home or office computer.

If I Were In Charge

If I were in charge....

...I’d order corporate travel programs to boycott all airlines that didn’t pass along to the buyer the funds from the recently expired federal tax on airplane tickets. Except for Alaska and Spirit, to my knowledge, all airlines have chosen to raise fares by an amount equal to the expired tax, reasoning the consumer already is used to paying the higher amount so why not pocket the tax portion no longer being collected for the government. The tax averaged about $20 for a $200 ticket. It’s all very legal, but not really ethical.

I’d maintain the boycott until the airlines dropped the greedy pricing practice. The only way to force airlines to behave is to hit them where it hurts. If it’s too much trouble to boycott all the airlines, then single one out. Within days it will lower prices, no doubt followed by the rest of the fly-boys.

...I’d require all states to pass laws requiring Internet retailers with nexus (offices, warehouses, or other tangible assets) within their borders to collect sales taxes. When the Internet began, it was appropriate to give Web retailers a break. But Internet retailing is quite vibrant these days; the price advantage most cyberspace merchants receive is unfair to brick and mortar companies.

Moreover, those sales tax dollars are desperately needed by state and local governments. They’d also help offset the loss of revenue (from sales and property taxes) when retailers, such as Borders Group, go out of business.

I would exclude Internet start-ups from tax collection liability either for their first five years of operation or until their sales exceed $50 million a year.

...I would require all newscasts and newspapers to show past positions (by date) of politicians featured in stories as a way of exposing hypocrisy or at least changed thinking. It’s truly ludicrous that for the most part only Jon Stewart on The Daily Show goes back to the archives to reveal outright reversals of previously hallowed statements. People (and by that I mean, reporters and editors), let’s get some accountability here, not just for politicians but also for your actions.

...I would disallow government pensions or other retirement benefits for any politician or public servant who resigns because of a sex or ethics scandal (or a felony conviction of any kind), regardless of how many “clean” years he or she served.

...I’d require all politicians to pass an economics class that includes some simple lessons. First, while businesses often resort to cost-cutting measures for short-term profit enhancement, long-term growth can occur only if revenues are raised.

Second, businesses will seek any way they can to increase profits and reduce taxes, even if it means not acting in the national interest, e.g., sending jobs overseas rather than employing more Americans.

Third, cost-cutting can be effective if it does not harm the product, such as by substituting inferior raw materials, or by delivering less value to the consumer.

Fourth, government is analogous to business in that budgets may be balanced by cutting programs, but the value passed onto the public may suffer in the form of fewer police and firemen, lower social security payments, fewer parks, more children per classroom, etc.

Fifth, given the aging of the baby boomer generation and their increased use of Medicare and social security, more revenue generation is required, generally in the form of more tax collections.

Sixth, businesses and individuals often live beyond their current means. They borrow against the future. Individuals do that when they buy a home through a mortgage or make credit card purchases; businesses do that by issuing bonds. There’s nothing sinister or bad in those practices. For anyone in our government to believe it is now a smart move to stifle the future is a repudiation of capitalism as practiced today in the United States.

Life, Plus and Minus 30 Years

Herb Horn was eulogized today. Herb passed away Tuesday, three months after celebrating his 90th birthday. He was a friend.

Three weeks ago, Finley’s maternal great grandmother, Phebe Perry Mixter, age 90, was eulogized.

Both funerals, one Jewish, the other Episcopalian, were celebrations of remarkable lives.

But what struck me as I sat through both services was the near 30-year gap in our ages (I’m three months shy of 62). Should I live to their age, how will society and culture change? Consider what has transpired in the last 30 years:

* The scourge of HIV/AIDS became widely known at the start of the 1980s

* Lipitor, the preeminent cholesterol-fighting drug that has affected countless lives (I’m a beneficiary), was developed in 1988. Two years before, doctors implanted the first human coronary heart stent

* Lasik eye surgery is commonplace

* Cable and satellite TV (now being challenged by Internet TV) became standard household conveniences

* Speaking of the Internet, the World Wide Web didn’t really take off until the early 1990s

* Land line telephone service is giving way to cell phone and Internet hook-ups

* GPS systems, once a military monopoly, entered civilian life

* Facebook and Twitter et al have changed the way we communicate, socially and politically

* Personal computers became ubiquitous, as have DVRs, digital cameras and TVs, satellite radio, mind-boggling video games, debit cards, and hybrid cars

Think about it—30 years ago was before Seinfeld, before the Simpsons, before Oprah, before rap, Lady Gaga, Madonna (though not before Cher, Dylan or Springsteen). Thirty years ago was before Derek Jeter started playing, before Fantasy Football.

Before Al-Qaeda.

In 30 years, my oldest, and for now only grandchild, Finley, will be 31. How will his/their lives be different? Will we have conquered cancer? Will cars drive themselves (as Google has already experimented with)? Will we have enough water to sustain the world’s population without threat of war or famine? Will we implant chips into our bodies to help us better think and perform? Will religions be sources of inspiration, comfort, healing and compassion or tools of discord and divisiveness? Will the U.S. surrender its mantle of exceptionalism to China? India? To a united Europe?

Thirty years is a long time. I was fortunate to have known Herb Horn for nearly 30 years. Sadly, I knew Phebe Perry Mixter for just four short years.