Friday, October 23, 2009

Who's in Control

As the days trickle by with no word from Cleveland, I’m not sure how I feel.

No, that’s not true. I feel disappointed. It’s not that I desperately wanted this job. No, it’s that I wanted to be in control.

Not being desperate for a job changes the dynamics of a job application. Control would seem to shift to the candidate who can just as easily walk away from an offer as take one for a position that is less than optimal. When you’re unemployed or desperate to leave a current spot, anything may look tempting. When you can be discerning, you have the power.

So it has been with my consideration of a three-month assignment in Cleveland. More than wanting the job, I’ve wanted the power of being in command, the aphrodisiac of knowing they wanted me, that the decision would be mine, not theirs.

The more I reflect on the experience the more I have come to understand that getting the temporary job offer would be affirmation that I am still important, that I beat out the competition (and I am an extremely competitive person).

I wasn’t desperate going into the interview. But I do admit, I want the satisfaction of knowing I’m still wanted.